Coping

Well, I've had better weeks before that is for sure. It seemed so surreal when I found out that my grandpa passed away on Tuesday. The ridiculous part was that I saw my uncle's Facebook status saying that he had died at two that afternoon before I had even heard anything from my family. Even though I knew it was coming soon, it still shocked me, like being doused with cold water. I was shocked yes, but sadness wasn't one of my initial emotions. I wondered about that for a while, and I think that it won't really be real until I get back with my family. It's so easy to be distracted by other things in college, and it hasn't been hard for me to remain positive, smile, and laugh with my friends. For a little while I felt really bad about that. I should be crying and depressed shouldn't I? But I don't think my reaction has been a bad one or an inappropriate one either. It's all about how you cope. I know I'll cry and cry when I actually go to the funeral and it all becomes a little more final, but it really has been a blessing to have all of these distractions so that I don't have to sit and think about it. I know my grandpa is in a much better place, and he is finally done suffering. I'm so grateful for that, and I try to think about that in the moments where the grief creeps up on me. I've been so lucky that all of my professors have been incredibly understanding, and my friends have really been a comfort and a distraction to me. It's been a hard week, but I know I'll make it through because I have great friends, a great family, and a faith that I can always cling to no matter what. So now I'll end this depressing blog and hope that I have many more positive things to write about in the future. But really, I'm in a good place and I know that I'll get through it with all of the support I have behind me including my grandpa!